Reconciliation
by Flynn58
Summary: Shinji is cut off from reality! Asuka is simply trying to survive in this Post-Fourth Impact wasteland. What will happen? A really, really large amount of crazy shit. Rated M, Book 2 is out now! Chapter revisions are underway, Book 1.11 and Rebuild of Reconciliation out soon!
1. Book 1: Prologue

A/N: I first had the inspiration for this fanfiction reading Reticence by Kraven Ergeist. It's been good, and I hope they manage to get the third arc coming along soon! The only problem I had with it, was that none of the characters really felt in-character, or at least how they were in 3.33, especially the crew of the AAA Wunder. However, those characters won't be in this fanfiction. In fact, there will only be three characters in this fanfiction: Shinji, Asuka, and the Rei clone. Maybe some others will hop in later. _Maybe._ But probably not for a _long_ time. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this story, please review it once you've finished reading, because improvement can never occur without proper feedback! Thank you for choosing this story for your fanfiction pleasure, and have a nice read! Maybe with a pipe, by the fireplace, in a nice robe, and a dram of Johnnie Walker Green...

**Reconciliation**

I killed him.

He told me not to pull the spears.

I did.

I killed him.

I killed Kaworu.

I betrayed him.

I betrayed everyone. I can't stop fucking everything up, can I? Asuka hates me, Misato hates me, everyone I cared about either hates me or is dead. And it's all my fault. I killed them. I killed them all.

Why am I still here? I have nothing.

I should just die. There's no point in any of this. I can't redo my past. I can't fix what I broke. I can't bring them back from the dead, or make them care about me again.

I can't ever be happy.

She keeps yelling at me. Kicking me. Punching me. I don't care. She's just bringing me closer to what I deserve. Eventually she'll go far enough, and I won't wake up again. I deserve nothing less.

I killed him.

And he'll never come back.

A/N: Well, feel free to review. Or not. I hope you do! It's lonely here...


	2. Book 1: Chapter 1-Angsty Angst

A/N: Okay, that last part was short. In fact, the Author's Notes were longer than the chapter itself! Hence the title, "Prologue". This chapter will, you know, have a semblance of length, and plot, and character progression. Maybe. Maybe not! Maybe it'll just be an endless stream of 100 word snippets that are out of chronological order and are from different viewpoints, making less and less sense. Actually, let's not go there. Anyway, don't expect speedy chapter updates after this chapter! Chapter 2 might not come for a day, a week, a month, a year, or even two!

At which point, none of you might be interested.

Anyways, if you want to be a beta reader, feel free to read the bottom notes after this chapter!

This fucking bastard can burn.

Burn in a fucking fire.

Forever and ever and ever.

I'll watch! I'll even throw in more kerosene! Just to see that brat experience a sliver of the pain I did.

Not that I really feel my pain, anymore. I'm not even a Lilin anymore.

Because of this stupid fucking brat!

He isn't even eating! I manage to scrounge up two packs of nutrient supplements from my entry plug, and the idiot isn't even eating. He won't even talk! He's just sitting there.

Well, fuck him. I don't care if he wants to be a fucking bitch and not eat anything. WILLE wants him back, and I can't let him die.

At least not yet.

"Dummkopf, eat your fucking shit. I don't give a damn whether or not you don't feel like eating! I will shove that nutrient bar down your fucking throat, and laugh as you gag!"

Was I expecting him to respond?

Of course not. He thinks he can start the Fourth Impact, and then shut himself off from humanity?

Fuck this bastard. All he ever does is hurt me. Over the past 14 god damn years, he's never done anything for me. I got in his fucking _bed_ and he wouldn't even touch me! It's all "Rei, Rei, Rei!" to the brat! It's just like Misato and Ritsuko told me. He never did anything for me. _He_ tried to kill me in my Evangelion! _He _took away my eye! I don't care if there was a dummy plug, he could have seized back control! Does the idiot think I'm a fucking dummkopf! He didn't even do anything! He didn't try and kill Gendo, or Ikagi, or anyone who initiated the Dummy System! He just came back to base and did nothing! He started an Impact for her, but he didn't do anything for me! He did nothing! **Nothing!**

Well, he can starve for all I care. But not before I have my fun with the brat.

"You don't want to eat? Fine! I'll drag your comatose body back to WILLE if I have to, _Third._ Now, this Yui Ikari baseline clone trailing us in the distance, well, we can't really go back to WILLE with a NERV agent, now can we? I can imagine so many fun ways to dispose of her before we ent-"

He's looking at me.

He hasn't responded to me for three days.

What the hell did I-

"YOU DON'T GET TO TOUCH HER!"

Did he just speak? How the fuck did he just speak? He hasn't even used those muscles for three days! How can he just bounce back like that?

Does this bastard think he can just shut off for three days, and then just come ba-

"aggccckgghghhg-"

"You don't get to touch her. You don't get to talk about her. You don't get to even think about her. Everyone I loved abandoned me. You, Misato, Gendo. None of you really cared about me, none of you except for Rei. And now she's dead. She's stuck with my mother inside Unit-01, and she can't be salvaged. My sister is dead. Because of you. Because of all of y-EUUGGGHH-my fucking balls!"

You don't get to fucking whine, you bastard!

"Oh, you think you get a fucking monopoly on suffering, Ikari! You didn't do anything for me! When the dummy system crushed me, you did nothing! But you did everything for your precious fuckdoll, didn't you! You went back to base to be a good little soldier after you fucked me up! But for Rei, you started a fucking Impact. Oh no, woe is me! I lost my fucking girlfriend! Well fuck you! We've had to live in this hell-scape for 14 fucking years!"

Shinji didn't respond. He stayed curled on the ground, in a fetal position, clutching his manhood.

Well, great going, me. I shut him off again. Nobody to talk to for the next week, or two, or how much time it takes to get back to WILLE.

"I'm sorry."

What?

"I just keep hurting everyone. I hurt you, and Misato, and Rei, and Toji, and Kensuke, and Hikari, and Sakura. I tried to kill them all, Asuka. I really did. When they turned on the Dummy System, I was still synced with my Eva. I felt everything. I felt every punch, every kick, every tear. I felt every bite I took, I felt myself crushing your Entry Plug. I heard your screams, your pain. How could you think I wouldn't try to kill them? **I loved you!** I nearly destroyed the entire Headquarters! They had to increase the LCL pressure just to stop me. You want to know why I started an Impact for Rei and not for you? Because I couldn't lose anyone else. I already lost you. I couldn't lose her. But I did, and I can never get her back. You hate me too, you'll never feel for me like you used to. I should just die. It would be so much easier for everyone. You and WILLE wouldn't need to worry about my emotions triggering another Impact. You could laugh at my dead corpse with them. I wouldn't be able to hurt any of you ever again. Please, just kill me. I'm not worthy of living."

Lying sack of shit.

He didn't try and save her.

They told her he did it!

They told her.

Why did they lie to her?

"Captain Katsuragi told me that you did nothing for me."

"Misato's a liar. She betrayed me. I loved her like she was my mother, and she strapped a bomb collar to my neck."

"She did that for our safety!"

"No, she did it for revenge. She saw the Second Impact first-hand! And she blames me for causing the Third. She's a cold bitch, and I'll never forgive her for betraying me. I was her son, and she was my mother. I already lost one mother. She took my second away from me."

Brat.

"You think you can turn me away from everything I stand for?! You think you can get me to betray WILLE?!"

"They already betrayed us, Asuka. Did I ever tell you how I first got in the Eva? They wheeled out Rei, cripped, on a gurney, and said if I didn't pilot, she would. Misato forced me to do that. They forced you to pilot Unit-03. They keep on hurting us, again and again and again. And now, we aren't even Lilin anymore. I can't even say the name of their species anymore. I don't know why, I can only say Lilin. It's their fault. They keep on hurting me. Hurting you. Hurting us. I won't let them anymore."

Dummkopf thinks he's so almighty. That I'm his responsibility. He can go fu-

Why is he glowing?

Why are his eyes red?

"I killed Kaworu, because I made a terrible mistake. I won't make that mistake again. I won't hurt the ones I love anymore. I am Shinji Ikari, the Fourteenth Angel. And I will end anyone who would hurt us."

A/N: Well, that's interesting. I honestly didn't even have an overarching plan for this story aside from Shinji and Asuka yell at each other in core-land. Honestly, I think the first-person perspective is restrictive to the narrative. I'll be going with third-person perspective from now on. Yes, that means italics = thoughts, standard = description, and quotes = dialogue from this point on.

Oh right, the Beta Reader thing. Well, I have a slot open for a beta reader! And seeing that my writing skills are probably shitty, I call upon any of you lucky readers to be my Beta Reader! Main points:

1. Don't show anyone else my chapters before they are released. That would be rude, and it'll get you blacklisted with any and all fanfiction authors I find.

2. We'll use the DocX document transfer system to share chapters. Make your edits in the file Bold. Maybe a different color, if you can manage it.

3. Your reward: Work in progress chapters! You get to see the story at a shittier quality, before anyone else!

4. If interested, just PM me. Really. My PM box is getting lonely.

Anyways, thank you for reading, and stay gold!


	3. Book 1: Chapter 2-Kaworu and Pals

A/N: Incidentally, the last chapter was entirely dialogue. Entirely. That is unacceptable, and I apologize for posting that travesty. Unlike Shinji, however, we **can** redo.

Chapter 2

And then, a beacon of light.

"Oh Ikari-kun, you've made the mistake _again._ You're not supposed to go on murderous rampages! You're especially not supposed to activate a latent Fruit of Life you got from your little adventure in Unit-01. Really, you've failed. Well, not you in particular. I failed you. I failed to give you happiness _again_. Not that I can't try again, but in all honesty, I think that route might be a cursed one."

Shinji and Asuka stood, gawking at the new arrival. Shinji, however, was barely paying attention to Kaworu's words, simply overjoyed at the reappearance of his only remaining loved one.

Asuka, however, was very, **very**, concerned.

_What the hell does he mean by "again"?_

"Kaworu! I'm sorry for everything! Oh god, I'm so sorry. I killed you, I killed them all. But I can fix it! You can help me! Asuka can help me too, since Bardiel contaminated her! The three of us can kill anyone who would hurt us, and we can be happy!"

Kaworu, although not necessarily smiling before, now wore a look of true horror on his face.

"Shinji-kun...what did they _do_ to you? You're not my Shinji. You've rejected your humanity! You can't even say it anymore, can you? What are you Shinji? Are you even still human?"

"No. I'm better. I'm a god now. Like you, Kaworu! Asuka is too! We both now possess the Fruit of Life! We are gods, like the First Ancestral Race who were the progenitors of you and the other seeds!"

Asuka still stood there, mouth agape, in shock and awe. _I possess this kind of power? I can rebuild it all! I can fix everything Shinji did! I can save everyone!_

"No, Asuka, you can't save them. You can never save them. Yes, I know your thoughts. The Fruit of Life links our souls. Not Instrumentality, as the Lilin call it, but rather, a common forum for all Angelic life. In time, you and Shinji-kun will learn to use this ability."

Kaworu then turned back to Shinji, with the look of a stern father admonishing a child having a tantrum.

"As for you, _Shinji_, I am not amused with your megalomaniacal ranting. Not that it's truly your fault, this world shaped you into what you are now. But you need something to give you a wider perspective. So, I've decided to take a new approach. To make not just you happy, but all the Shinjis I've failed happy. **Both of you.**"

Shinji paid no heed to Kaworu's words. He continued to erupt in a fiery aura of pure, unadulterated rage, a swarm of octagonal patterns pulsating and swirling around the newly anointed 14th Angel.

"No, Kaworu, you need not. I shall end them all. They've hurt me. They've hurt Rei. And worst of all, they hurt Asuka. **They hurt her.** And for that, they shall not die.

They shall be tortured. Brought to the very edge of sanity, begging for nothing but release, and as they beg, I shall laugh, and laugh, and laugh. And then I will force their AT Fields to collapse in upon themselves until they are crushed into a bloody pulp, forcing them to release their AT Fields and join Instrumentality, where they shall remember nothing and know of nothing but their torture, for their immortal souls to tide over until the end of time and space itse-EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGGGGGGGGGHH HHHHHH!"

With a distinct lack of patience for the now-mad Ikari's ramblings, Kaworu forcibly extracts the core of Shinji Ikari. Ikari, still alive but now in an incapacitated state, falls to the ground. Asuka runs up to him, concerned for his well-being.

_I wanted this. I wanted him to care about me like he cared for Rei. And now I broke him. It's my fault. He was right. Everyone around him keeps on pushing and pushing until he bursts. He didn't cause Third Impact, or Fourth Impact. We did. And it's all my fault._

"**PETULANT CHILD! YOU DARE BELIEVE YOURSELF TO EVEN BE ON THE SAME SCALE AS I? YOU PALE IN COMPARISON TO ME! I AM A GOD, GREATER THAN THE FIRST ANCESTRAL RACE, GREATER THAN ANY INDIVIDUAL SEED. I AM LILITH AND ADAM, AND THE FIVE. THE FIVE THAT NEVER REACHED A HOME. I AM THE END AND BEGINNING OF TIME AND SPACE. I AM THE INHERITOR OF REALITY. AND YOU SHALL KNEEL."**

**"**As I was saying before...I'm going to gather the souls of Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryu from the previous reality. Yes Asuka, your previous self too. I have a feeling you might need some perspective as well, seeing your current thought pattern. The integration, as I am currently warning you, may be painful."

And Shinji screamed. He screamed with a firely intensity as the landscape of his mind burned away, only to quickly reform.

"No. This is not supposed to happen. The two souls are supposed to integrate! To reconcile! How can you possibly reject your own soul?!"

And then, another flash of light. Shinji and Asuka were now standing, Shinji's core now firmly receded back into his chest. Asuka herself had a blue glow emanating from her chest cavity as well as her left eye, her Angelic contamination now having taken hold.

Kaworu, or if what he said was true, the Seed Entity, stood before him, visibly shaken.

"N...No matter..It appears that your sanity has taken hold once more. A simple side-effect of your Angelic abilities manifesting outside your Evangelion. You see, Asuka? It was never your fault. Sadly, however, there is a new problem I have to deal with. I couldn't exactly reconcile your counterparts with either of you, yet they seemed to form new bodies out of the core material this earth is made from. Look for yourselves!"

Shinji turned around, and stared quizzically at the sight. Asuka, however, recoiled in horror.

_No..._

On the ground in front of them, appeared two young teenagers, who looked oddly familiar...

A/N: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a twistpocalypse. In all seriousness, let us discuss what to call everybody. "Kaworu" is really all seven of the Seeds of Life, at least as they existed in the Prime Reality. Therefore, he shall be named The Progenitor. Shinji and Asuka from post-EoE will be named Shinji-Prime and Asuka-Prime, and the Rebuild variants will be named Shinji-R and Asuka-R.

Also, this piece of fanfiction may or may not be sliding into craptastic-land. Therefore, I'm going to rewrite Chapter 1. Hell, I'll probably end up rewriting this chapter at some point. After Chapter 1's rewrite, I'm taking a sabbatical from Evangelion fanfiction. Need to get a fresh head.

Thank you, reviewers. Your reviews were brief, yet still helpful. You see? Reading and reviewing **does** fix shit into slightly less smelly shit!


	4. Book 1: Chapter 3-Please, No More

A/N: You know what? Let's just see where this fanfiction takes us. I have absolutely no plan for the future. It's essentially all written on the spot. Improvised. The quality might actually be changing due to boredom. So, where did we stop last? Right, the Progenitor, Shinji-R and Asuka-R are in core-land with Shinji' and Asuka'. This will be interesting. Confusing. But interesting. Or something.

Chapter 3-Please, No More!

But sadly, I did provide more. The audience demanded I stop writing this fanfiction, to preserve the last vestiges of the fantasy, and I refused them. For it was a story that needed to be told. Why did it need to be told? It actually did not. But I decided to anyways. Maybe to cause you pain, maybe because it might get better near the end, maybe to switch the perspective to an omniscient narrator who demolished the fourth wall in days long past, maybe for the lulz.

Anyway, back to our story.

When we last saw our, um, "heroes", they were in the remains of Japan post-Third Impact, in the Rebuild Timeline. Shinji-R and Asuka-R's angelic sides awakened, with Shinji-R entering a temporary megalomaniacal state of madness. It all passed eventually, but the Progenitor, a fusion of all seven Seeds of Life from the Prime Timeline, decided to temper both their souls by reconciling them with their prime counterparts. Why? How? I don't know, it's pretty obvious it's being made up on the spot.

The reconciliation failed, and Shinji' and Asuka' formed new bodies for their souls out of core material. What shall happen next?

Hell if I know.

Shinji' and his life-mate, Asuka', awoke near instantaneously.

"Hello, Seven!"

"Hey Shinji-kun, and hello to you as well, Soryu."

_'The hell? They know each other?'_ thought Asuka-R, Angel of Moodiness.

"So, Seven, did you actually follow through on that whole 'I'll go back and make you happy' thing? Really, we're both already happy!"

"Yeah, me and the dummkopf were actually just in the middle of something, Sev! To be fair, we do have a **lot** of spare time on our hands."

"Not that it is necessarily a bad thing. We have the entire world to ourselves! And since you were kind enough to reverse-apocalypse the landscape, we have an awesome love shack by a stream in a valley!"

"With electric, filtered water, birth control pills, fuck, we've even got a TV!"

"Never thought I would be watching rom-coms when we first popped up on that beach! Still can't believe I throttled you."

"Honestly, baka. Get over it. I don't care! Besides, it's not like it was the last time you throttled me. Nor will it be. Heh heh."

Shinji' blushed. Also, hello again. Decided to leave you with a long string of dialogue. You probably forgot who was who until the end of that string. I don't blame you, I did too. This writer sucks, doesn't he?

Shinji-R and Asuka-R, on the other hand, recoiled in horror, Asuka-R herself vomiting. Odd, since as an angel, she wouldn't really need food in the first place, nor would she really have a stomach.

"Well, it seems I've managed to disgust my better half."

"Anyways, Sev, what did you need us here for? This is your pet project, man."

Seven, the Progenitor, started ascending into the skies.

"Okay, Shinji2, you use your Angel powers to bridge all four of your minds. I'm tired of dealing with all of your shit, so I'm leaving. Think I'm gonna go get a churro. None of you will ever see me again. Don't call me."

And thus, Seven ascended into the heavens, never to be seen in this fanfiction again.

Shinji-2, because that is a simpler name, used his AT Field to pierce into the minds of Shinji and Asuka.

Asuka was not amused, jumping Shinji-2 and choking him, tears flowing like a river.

"Stopstopstopstopnotagainnotagainnononononoplleeea sestoppplease-"

Shinji pulls his life-mate off of him, realizing that maybe this wasn't such a hot idea.

"Uh, sorry. She had a bad experience with that application of an AT Field 7 or 8 months back."

Shinji-2 decided to push harder.

Asuka is now rolling on the ground, in tears, her mind being torn to shreds.

Shinji jumps his doppelganger and starts punching at his core. His eyes turn red.

"**STOP. HURTING. HER.**"

Shinji-2 stops, realizing his mistake.

"Sorry man, I just needed to trigger you. Should have probably waited for you to be in an Evangelion, though."

Shinji-2 receives multiple slaps from Shinji and Asuka-2.

"Idiot!"

"Dummkopf!"

"Rapist!"

"Moron!"

Now, seeing Shinji-2's, uh, "anger issues", perhaps those were not the correct words, no matter the fact that he just broke Asuka **again**.

The radiant angel rose into the sky, taking Asuka-2 and the Earth-1 counterparts with them.

"Okay, we're going to create a permanent mental link. Why? We need it, because we're all going to kill each other because we're all socially inept stupid fucks. This way, we can actually understand each other. Once we're not in the same universe, we probably will not be able to talk with each other, and you two can probably still use the link for your own, uh, benefits. So, let us begin!"

And everyone's clothes disappeared.

Will this be lime? Lemony? Will it have no actual sexual content whatsoever, and if you were expecting it you're a perverted fuck for reading fanfiction to get off to stories of 14 year olds getting theirs?

Hell if I know.

To be fucking continued.

A/N: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it can **indeed** get worse from this point onward. My beta reader offer is still open, but thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing.

This fanfiction might never actually end. It could literally keep going on and on forever. A new chapter every two days. Each chapter less than 1000 words. Wouldn't that be something? More and more shit, being crammed down your throat every day. I _could_ try to inject some quality into this story. But where's the fun in that?


	5. Book 1: Chapter 4-Tumbling Down A Loop

A/N: Well, we've come to Chapter Four! I'd say this is an accomplishment, but seeing that the story up to this point is just barely pushing four thousand words, uh, yeah. This chapter is going to be much longer. This story shall be my magnum opus. A brain-numbing magnum opus, but my magnum opus none the less. Some reviews for any of the chapters post-Chapter One would be nice. But, if you guys don't really want to, that's cool. I mean, you really just need to write two or three sentences about what I could improve, and your opinion on the current direction of the story. But hey, if you're all completely okay with the current quality of the story (heaven help you if so), then here's some more of Reconciliation!

Chapter Four-Tumbling down a Möbius Strip

After an oddly kinky mind-binding ritual that involved 4 pubescent teenagers, two of whom were Alternate Reality counterparts of the other pair, the two gods and their alternate selves were mentally linked.

More importantly, they were in a pile on the ground, naked. Asuka, feeling incredibly groggy, opened her eyes, feeling a warmth in her feminine parts.

_'Hey, baka?_' thought Asuka, incredibly confused, for multiple reasons.

_'Yeah, love?' _replied Shinji, also coming back to reality from their mind-sex marathon.

_'What the fuck just happened?'_

_'What has happened, is that the four of us are now mentally linked. Since we are all completely inept at actually opening up to each other, we will now be forced to share ourselves with each other. Which, while a horrifying violation of individual rights and AT Fields, would probably have actually prevented either of us from causing a Third Impact. Eh, Shinji?'_

Both Shinji and Asuka turned towards Shinji-2, incredulous.

_'Why the fuck aren't we actually saying anything?'_ a horribly confused Asuka thought to the others.

_'God, you really are more fucked up than me! We're mentally linked, you idiot. We don't have to talk, so by instinct we don't.' _said Asuka-2, back to her normal bitch self.

Suddenly, Rei III-2 walked up to them, finally arriving in the story.

"Would any of you like to explain to me why there are two of each of you?"

"Shut up, you doll!"

_'Asuka, stop being a bitch.'_ thought Shinji.

_'Baka, if you ever want to tie me to the bedposts again, you will shut your mind right now.'_

Shinji shuffled away slightly, meekly looking downwards.

Suddenly, Lilith descended from the sky.

"Hey guys, uh, still me and the other six Seeds. Listen, after we got our churro, we got some _really_ bad gas. Turns out we made a quantum fart that tore open reality a bit more. Anyways, we're dumping an extra Shinji Ikari on you guys. Sorry. Bye!"

"Wait, didn't the narrator say you wouldn't appear in the story again?"

Yes, Shinji, I did. But you should know by know, I'm a lying asshole. If you didn't know that by now, you're a fucking idiot. Sure, you might be a fucking idiot who's getting some on a regular basis, but you're an idiot none the less.

The Seven then turned towards Rei III-2.

"Wait, as seeds we exist outside the multiverse. You're merging back in with us. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

Rei III-2, although being out of character in her mannerisms and dialogue, was no longer of consequence to the story, as Lilith reabsorbed her back into the multiversal pantheon of super-gods.

And then the Multiversal Pantheon of Super-Gods, MPSG (how pronounceable), went off to find more churros.

In their wake, miniature Doors of Guf opened from the sky, dropping what appeared to be a naked Shinji Ikari, with black demonic wings and an abnormally large penis.

"Who the fuck are you?"

The demonic Shinji stood up, an insane glare in his eyes.

"I'm hallucinating again! They keep torturing me, again and again and again and again and again. The chaos gods! Tzeentch, Slaanesh, Nurgle, Khorne, over and over again. They keep on making me see her again! I have walked the barren earth for millenia, unable to die, unable to orgasm. Those who consort with the Ruinous Powers of Chaos should not expect a happy ending."

The four others recoil in horror, realizing due to their awareness of the Fourth Wall where this Shinji Ikari, Shinji-3, had arrived from.

He had come from Shinji's Nightmare Cataclysm.

Ain't that something?

A/N: Welcome to the intermission! Here in the intermission, you can feel free to take a break from reading, and just, you know, go get some popcorn, take a piss, or review some of what the flying fuck has happened. In Chapter Four's intermission, I will provide a quick guide of the known Reconciliation Multiverse:

Earth-1: The original Neon Genesis Evangelion universe. Currently uninhabited. Only surviving residents: Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryu.

Earth-2: The Rebuild of Evangelion/Evangelion New Theatrical Edition universe. Only surviving residents: Shinji Ikari, Asuka Shikinami Langley, WILLE, NERV and the remaining Evangelions (The Mark.04s, Unit-08 and Unit-13).

Earth-3: The Shinji's Nightmare Cataclysm universe, an alternate reality in which the Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40k exist in a universe otherwise similar to Earth-1, causing debauchery and bloodshed to reign. Google it and read it, but I'm sure as hell not linking it. Only surviving resident: Shinji Ikari.

The Void: The space between realities. Inhabited by the Seven Seeds, who's divinity allows them to transcend spacetime itself, their souls across time and space merging into one being when their souls manage to reinhabit their original bodies. Current residents: The Seven Seeds. Duh.

Footnote: These are the only realities to currently exist in the multiverse. The MPSG can manipulate the multiverse like a children's toy, allowing them to create and destroy realities at a whim. Not that they would do the latter, but apparently the former can be done by a release of churro gas from the anus.

Anyways, Act II of Chapter Four!

_'Guys, as someone who's had the, uh, privilege, of being mentally raped multiple times, thank you Shinji-2, I'd suggest we **not** let a fucking Demon Prince of Slaanesh near our orifices.'_ thought Asuka, worriedly.

_'Wait, you guys are actually real? I'm on an alternate world? This is great! Now that everyone is alive here, I can finally be with everyone and receive the love that I've been denied for so long! My father will finally tell me he cares for me, my mommy will come out of Unit-01, Misato and Kaji will be back, and me and Asuka can live happily!'_

The four were in utter shock, Shinji-3 somehow having managed to telepathically brute force into their mental link.

_'Uh, sorry to break it to you pal. Our dad is a sociopathic monster. Also, we've already paired up with our universe's Asuka counterpart. Can't you just, I dunno, sacrifice someone here to Nurgle to bring her back?'_

_'Alas, the Warp only exists on my Earth. Either way, I'll just rape Misato at WILLE. She seems like a bitch in this reality.'_ thought Shinji-3 back towards them.

_'So', _Shinji-3 continued, _'You guys up for an orgy? Never done a multiversal orgy before, and frankly, I have a ten thousand year old case of blue balls I **really** need to take care of. I would have taken care of them earlier, but the Penis of Slaanesh won't be fooled by masturbation. It requires a true sacrifice.'_

_'Sorry bro, we would, but probably has rules against going that far. And the author doesn't seem like he's up for , that kinky devil.'_

Asuka and Asuka-2 both slapped their respective partners.

_'Bakas! Why would you assume we would be up for it if this **was** a lemon fic!'_

Shinji and Shinji-2 both replied: _'Well, we're well aware that both of you are really submissive nymphomaniacs, but put up a dominant front as a wall around yourselves to keep others away due to both of your respective childhood traumas, as well as traumas experienced more recently, such as the incidents with Arael and Bardiel. Or are you two nymphomaniacs __**because**__ of that childhood trauma? Hell if we know. Anyway, we figured you'd be up to it. More importantly, why do we keep referring to ourselves as "we"?'_

Shinji-3 decided to chime in.

_'Yeah, you guys are synchronizing. Once this multiversal hubbaloo is all done and your mind-link is cut off, it should pass. Trust me, I've had experience with telepathy before. So much fucking telepathy. Fucking Chaos Gods.'_

Suddenly, a sonic boom shot through the skies, a giant monstrosity appearing, its wings spread, gliding through the air. A pink blur drops from the heavens, the shock-wave rippling through the landscape made of core.

"Hey princess! We tracked your Angelic contaminant signal here once we-why is there two of you? And why are you all naked?"

To be fucking continued.

A/N: Well, I believe this chapter has set the record for longest! I could have stretched it out a bit more, but I've been writing for 3 hour straight, it's 4:30 in the morning, my eyes are burning, and I have a daily release schedule to keep up! Did I mention my eyes are burning? Because my eyes are on fire. Not literally, but I think that I am going to die. Before I die, perhaps one of you readers would like to volunteer as a Beta Reader for this fanfiction? It'll mean slower releases, but better quality releases. And besides, slower releases means more recovery time between chapters. Stay gold!


	6. Book 1: Chapter 5-Too Many Universes

A/N: Of course Nobody Dies has done it first. "Finally," I think, "I have an Evangelion fanfiction nobody else is doing!" And it turns out Nobody Dies has done it already. As well as Dazed and Confused. Well fuck it. I'm going to crossover so many god damned things that shit will be extracted from the fan and then used as biofuel to power the fan for a hundred thousand years.

Chapter 5-Too Many Fucking Universes

The shock of the situation somehow managed to de-link the mind link shared between the five multiversal teenagers. Why? Because the writer is too lazy to keep pressing CTRL-I, and frankly, they can probably just telepathically communicate at will.

Anyway, back to our story. Shinji-2, decidedly remembering that he was fucking pissed with WILLE, teleported himself and his two counterparts, along with Mari-2, Asuka-1 and Asuka-2 to the bridge of the AAA Wunder.

"Hi Misato! It's me, Shinji. Listen, I know I seem tranquil right now, but I'm really fucking angry. And by angry, I mean my soul is burning with a fiery rage previously unseen by any Lilin, and I am this close from killing you and everyone aboard this ship for what you've all done to me. Anyways, I'm taking you, Ritsuko, Sakura and the bridge bunnies to NERV HQ. We're all going to have a nice little chat. Maybe do some shots. Maybe I'll let my friend here from Earth-3 rape you a bit. You kinda deserve it! Heh heh. Anyway, anything you'd like to say before we begin?"

Everyone on the bridge of the Wunder was shocked at the sight they have seen. Shinji Ikari, destructor of mankind, had just _teleported_ onto the bridge of their flagship, along with their Eva pilots and duplicates of himself and Asuka, all while a core was glowing in his chest as well as his eyes, promising due vengeance.

Wouldn't you too, be shitting your pants, dear reader?

Misato, however, shook off her surprise, and stood up, firing her gun at Shinji-2 and his party. But sadly for her, in the multiverse of Evangelion, octagons are a fucking bitch.

Before Shinji-2 could follow through on his promise, however, Andy Dick appeared on the bridge.

Shinji-1 smiled, a look of recognition on his face.

"Hey Sev!"

Asuka-2 facepalmed, groaning.

"Of course the third seed of life is Andy Dick. Of course."

Now, dear reader, you may have a few questions. How could Andy Dick be the Third Seed of Life? Wasn't he a Lilin? Didn't you say that the Multiversal Pantheon of Super-Gods would not show back up in this fanfiction_ multiple _times?

To that, dear reader, I have but one answer!

Shut up.

"Hey guys, it's us again. Listen, you know that churro fart we took last time? Yeah, turns out we're allergic to cooking oil. Which is kind of weird, seeing that we are a Multiversal Pantheon of Super-Gods. Anyhow, that Quantum Fart has kinda turned into a Quantum Diarrhea Shitfest. And since we took it in this universe, the resulting Earths that get created will leak one or two characters into your guys world. Whoops. Anyways, you'll probably see us again soon, because even though we're Multiversal Super-Gods, we can somehow create a multiverse through diarrhea. Or something. Bye!"

And from the Doors of Guf that closed just as quickly as they opened, dropped three people. Two resembled Shinji and Asuka, in their school uniforms. The third, however, was a little girl.

"Mama, why are we on a spaceship?"

Asuka-4 turned to the little girl, holding her and calming her down.

"I don't know, schatzchen. I think it's a boat, though. Baka, where are we?"

Shinji-4 turned around, only to see three more of him, as well as two more of his wife.

"Hi, welcome to the multiverse!"

A/N: Welcome to the intermission. Let us go over what has currently happened. Shinji-2 has taken his party to the AAA Wunder to rightfully bitch slap Misato-2. The Multiversal Pantheon of Space-Gods has fucked up and created a multiverse. There is now a confirmed Earth-4, The 2nd Try universe by Jimmy Wolk. Which is confusing in itself, seeing that Earth-4 has its own set of quantum mechanics. Does it matter? Does it make sense? Nope to both. Did I ask Jimmy Wolk for permission to use his altered characters and universe? Well, have you actually seen him online in the past six months?

So, glossary!

God: Any Seed-derived life form which possesses both the Fruit of Life and the Fruit of Knowledge.

Super-God: Any Seed which possesses both the Fruit of Life and the Fruit of Knowledge.

First Ancestral Race: The first Pantheon of Super-Gods, who went extinct from something. They sent out the seeds through the universe, but never transcended to the Multiversal plane. Therefore, they are not the first _Multiversal_ Pantheon.

Multiversal Pantheon of Super-Gods: The Seven Seeds who have transcended to the multiversal plane, absorbing their counterparts from every universe as they are created. The Second Pantheon, their members appear as a single merged avatar. Their known members include Adam, Lilith and Andy Dick. _Yep._

Universe: A single quantum reality. Referred to as an "Earth" because all the cool shit happens on Earth.

Multiverse: Created by the Multiversal Pantheon of Super-Gods when they got diarrhea from a churro. _Yep._

You know what? Let's get back to the story, before the word count is meaningless for determining the story content.

Asuka-2 took a step forward, and made her case.

"Okay, everybody here seems a wee bit tense. We've all done things we aren't proud of. So how about we all just calm down, and we go along with my Shinji's plan. In fact, I'll make us a better meeting place. Just look out the viewscreen."

Asuka-2 started glowing blue. Like, really blue. If this was english class, your teacher might say the blue was an attempt by the author to represent Asuka-2 internal depression and anguish at the situation. Well, as the author, let me state what that sentence meant.

It means she was fucking glowing blue.

Everyone took a gander to the viewscreen of the AAA Wunder, wondering what the fuck was going on.

A small building appeared in the distance, with only one large window and one room visible, a board room.

The Wunder's crew soon sprung into action once they realized the intruders, as well as their captain and first officer, were now missing.

Maya soon jumped onto the command chair, yelling to fire everything at the building.

Hyuga and Aoba were too baked to understand what the hell she was saying.

Gendo-2 had been pleasuring himself with one of the Rei clones, a Rei clone which had been aged further to reduce the squickiness. Not by much, but by enough.

"Forgive me, Yui, but a man has his needs. And you did leave me for 28 years, bitch."

Which is why the situation became especially awkward when he, along with Fuyutsuki, appeared naked in a board room with Four Shinjis, Three Asukas, and the leaders of the organization attempting to stop his plans to reunite with Yui.

Fuyutsuki, an old, wrinkly man, simply shook his head in disgust.

"I'm done, Ikari. This shit ain't worth it. I've only been helping you so I could catch some tail with your wife after she returns and finds out what the fuck you've done. And now your son has made three clones of himself, two clones of the girl, and is here for retribution. Well fuck this. I'm done. Game over, man, game over."

And thus, Fuyutsuki-2 died. His body quickly reverted to LCL, however, so his soul was preserved. Kinda. The boys in the lab are still on that. The point of the matter is, Fuyutsuki-2 is gone, and he isn't appearing again. I promise this time.

Everyone took a seat at the table, including the naked Gendo, who's nakedness had caused all present to vomit. Shinji-2 quickly apperated a NERV uniform for him.

Shinji-4, as well as Asuka-4, quickly took charge, Aki-4 on her mama's lap.

"Okay, as the Shinji present who is most likely more well adjusted than anyone else in the room, I'll chair this meeting. We've come here today because Multiversal Super-Gods took a shit in this reality, and I'd really like to get home to my friends and family at some point. So, how about each of my counterparts takes their turn explaining what the fuck happened in their reali-"

"Our daughter is four, you baka! What the hell are you doing with that langua-"

Everyone in the room visibly squirmed in disgust.

Asuka-2 spoke with vitriol.

"Dear god, you two are 15! We can understand how you got married, with the Post-Second Impact breeding propagation laws. But how the hell did you have a child at _11_?"

"Mental time travel hubbaloo. I'll explain in a second. Anyways, Shinji-1, why don't you and your Asuka go first?"

Shinji-1 straightened up, him and his girlfriend having been rather quiet for the entire ordeal.

"Um, okay. Second Impact happened, my mom went into Unit-01 when I was four, like Asuka's mom half-did. We fought angels a lot, Gendo triggered the dummy plug when Toji was in a possessed Unit-03 and I took his leg, Asuka got mind-raped by Arael, after I killed Kaworu the JSSDF invaded and killed everyone, Asuka died fighting 9 Mass Produced Evas with S2 Engines and Lilith merged with Adam to start Instrumentality after I wished for everyone to die because nobody cared about me. After a soul-crushing journey through a puddle of primordial soup, I gave everyone the ability to come back if they wanted. Only me and Asuka did. Turns out she was so fucked up because when she was four, the part of her mom that was inside the Evangelion was the part that recognized her daughter, so her mom went insane and started talking to a doll instead, and to get acknowledgement Asuka threw herself into the Eva program when she was fucking four, and then when she got accepted she ran back to her mama, while her dad was slagging the nurse in the next room, and her mom had hung herself and the doll and said _'come die with me Asuka'_. So Asuka pushes everyone away so nobody can hurt her and hates Rei because from her view, Rei is a doll and dolls take away the ones you love, and she realized Rei loved me and thought Rei was going to take me away from her too. Or something. Anyways, after we came back the Super-Gods hooked me and Asuka up with an awesome love shack, and we got into bondage. We have birth control too, which is pretty damn useful. Hell, the Super-Gods even created an endless supply of new TV Shows and Movies to watch, which is awesome. Anyway, that's our story. What about you guys?"

Everyone aside from Shinji-1, Asuka-1, and their Earth-4 counterparts had their mouths loosely hanging on the table, horrified and speechless.

Gendo-2, oddly enough, was the first one to speak.

"What the fuck is _wrong_ with your universe?! I wasn't even going to start Instrumentality here! I was just trying to make myself a God in an Impact so I could fix the world! Dear fuck, I was going to reverse all this Impact shit once I was done. What the fuck did we do in your universe? Did I fucking rape you with a cattle prod as a child?"

Aki-4 was picking up a very colorful vocabulary today!

To be fucking continued.

A/N: You know what? No. I'm not doing any notes on this. You sort out this clusterfuck for yourself.


	7. Book 1: Chapter 6-Insert Title Here

A/N: Read. Review. Rinse. Repeat. Okay?

Chapter Six: [Insert Title Here]

Really, insert your own title there. My only idea was a shitty Square Cube Law joke.

Back to our story...

Shinji-2 and Asuka-2, surrounded by their peers, took their turn and told their story.

"Okay, my story goes pretty much the same way Shinji-1's does, except we have less angels, Asuka piloted Unit-03 and got mind raped by Bardiel instead of Ariel or whatever you called it, Rei II got absorbed by Zeruel, I caused Unit-01 to fucking awaken in a blood lust rage which caused me to become an Angel or something, and also prevent me and Asuka and Mari from aging, this caused Third Impact, everyone we knew who isn't alive died in the chaos that followed or is some weird facsimile of Unit-01 made out of core, I woke up, got a bomb collar on my neck, everyone blames me for their grand idea of shoving a kid into a guaranteed ragnarok machine and seeing what the hell happens, I run to NERV, find the only person who has ever unconditionally loved me, find out I can rebuild the world, turns out that it's actually the wrong Spear and I cause fucking Fourth Impact, and the only person who ever unconditionally loved me dies from the bomb collar I shirked off onto him because I'm a horrible fucking person who has no right to live and should just die, we all should, because we're all horrible people."

Shinji-2, now breaking down in tears and going against the thematic direction of humorous multiversal hubbaloo, is brought towards Asuka-2 by herself, resting him on her shoulder and caressing his hair, whispering that it'll be all right, he'll be fine, she's there for him.

Gendo-2, recently diagnosed with Dangerously Genre Savvy Disorder, proclaims "Hey author, have we fulfilled the 'This is Evangelion fanfiction and everyone must be irreparably broken and depressed because that's just the way we roll' quota yet?

Nope. We have not.

Shinji-2's eyes then flashed red, his AT Field starting to push outwards in his trademark fiery fury.

"Nobody loves me except her. Except Asuka. None of you ever did. Gendo, you sent me away when I was fucking four. I've talked to mother in Unit-01. She wanted you to care for me when she was gone and you abandoned me to guard yourself and only yourself. And Misato. You fucking bitch. You fucking cold-hearted bitch. I loved you like you were my mother. Because you were. You were my mom. And you've taken away my mother from me a second time. Seems like all my parents pull away from me. Even you, Yui. In fact, I think you can reform your body right here. Let me just tear your soul right out of that core."

And he did. In an instant, Shinji-2 was gone and returned with Yui-2.

He then decked her.

"**YOU CAUSED ALL OF THIS! YOU LEFT ME, AND YOU LEFT HIM, JUST TO FULFILL SOME INSANE GOD FANTASY! YOU BROKE ALL OF US! NOT JUST ON THIS EARTH, BUT ON EVERY EARTH! YOU WON'T DIE HERE TODAY, YUI. NO. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF YOUR TORTURE. YOU WANTED TO LIVE FOR ETERNITY, AN EVERLASTING MONUMENT TO HUMANITY?! I SHALL MAKE YOU AN EVERLASTING MONUMENT TO YOUR SINS!"**

Yui-2, pissing her fucking pants (if she had any, incidentally feeding into the Oedipal Complex even more with this next scene), meekly whispers out "Shinji, plea-"

**"THIS HAND OF MINE GLOWS WITH AN AWESOME POWER! ITS BURNING GRIP TELLS ME TO DEFEAT YOU! TAKE THIS! MY LOVE, MY ANGER, AND ALL OF MY SORROW!"**

**"SHIIIIIIINNNNIIINNNGGGG FIIIIINNNNGGGGEEEEAAAA!"**

And thus, the population of the board room shat their collective pants, as Shinji-2 of Earth-2 somehow managed to banish Yui-2 to a timeless realm of never ending torture and misery.

Using a move from fucking Mobile Suit G Gundam.

Was it really a surprise that from the Doors of Guf Shinji-2 managed to tear open, the FA-010S Full Armor ZZ Gundam fell?

No?

Was it a surprise that this isn't an intermission break, and through reinforced conditioning I can trick your brain into thinking that an intermission is about to start whenever I say "Was it really a surprise that..."?

If it isn't, that's too bad.

Onwards with the story!

The group surrounding Shinji-2 was awestruck, and horrified. Except for Shinji-1, who bro-bumped Shinji-2.

"Right on man, she's a fucking bitch!"

Shinji-4 cleared his throat, and began to speak.

"Okay, obviously this is a very touchy subject for everyone involved, due to the fact that I'm not even sure which of the two of you is more fucking insane. Shinji-2, can you put Aki in a daycare or something? I really don't think she should be around for this stuff."

Shinji-2, now back and resting on the bosom of Asuka-2, nodded, and in a flash, Aki was gone.

Shinji-3, relishing in the chaos, piped up.

"Oh, you think these two guys are fucked up? Wait till I tell you about _my_ world!"

All those present shuddered in horror, except for Mari, who's voice boomed from the Mobile Suit's cockpit.

"Hey princess, think this thing's good for a critshot or twelve?!"

A/N: There, welcome to the intermission. We're now diving deep into the angsty humor end of the bipolar fanfiction pool. There will be blood. And a healthy bowl of Khorne Flakes.

So, let us review the situation in the Multiverse.

Shinji-2 has opened up to everyone about his perception of events, revealing he is still broken as fuck and very, very insane. At least he has a hot german girl to help him cope. Right?

Oh wait, yeah, he does. The fuck does he have to complain about.

So he banished Yui-2 to the Void between realities. Ain't that something.

He also used an ability from fucking G Gundam, because crossover. This tear in the multiverse caused the Double Zeta from Mobile Suit ZZ Gundam to be gifted to Mari.

**Mari.**

Oh dear lawd, they are fucked.

The loudspeakers boomed again.

"Oh yeah, Shinjis, I already know both of your sob story! I'm your daughter born 15 years into your future on Earth-1! The progenitor entity decided I'd be an interesting wild card, so I know literally **everything!** Hahahahahaha!"

Shinji-3 coughed loudly, then continued.

"As I was saying...On my world, the Ruinous Powers of Chaos as seen in Warhammer 40k exist. And I was a Daemon Prince of Slaanesh. I became rape-emperor of Japan, Kaworu usurped me in the name of Chaos Undivided after I finally discovered true love by having sex with Asuka-3 while we both had Nurgle Rot. Oh yeah, I brainwashed her because she was a fucking bitch and I needed to cleanse her soul or something. Kaji was a pedophile who obliterated her hymen. Fucking ace of him, but then he gave us Nurgle Rot. Fucking Nurgle Rot. She died, 30 years pass, me and Kaworu end the world. I walk the earth for 10 thousand millenia, alone, because nobody consorts with the Ruinous Powers of Chaos and expects a happy ending."

The crowd was quite unamused.

Shinji-4 in particular.

"Yes yes, we've all read Shinji's Nightmare Cataclysm. Sadly. Anyways, me and Asuka come from a reality similar to Shinji-1 and Asuka-1, except after 5 years and having Aki we mentally went back in time and prevented Third Impact, saving the world and securing a happy future for our daughter. Or so we thought, because now we're here with you crazy fucks. Listen, it's pretty obvious that everyone except me, my counterparts, the Asukas and Mari are all fucking bastards. Therefore, you all can leave. We're talking this out by ourselves."

Asuka-2's eyes flared an electric blue, however.

**"Actually, I think I have a nice waiting room they can all stay in while we...talk. A nice room called...THE MOTHERFUCKING VOID, BITCHES!"**

Yes, Asuka-2 has also gone insane with God powers. To be fair, they deserved it. And thus, the heads of both hydras, NERV and WILLE, were cut off, and the stump of a neck that was left cauterized.

That solves that.

Shinji-2 piped up.

"Okay, honey, that was fucking awesome. But I have an idea. We all could probably get along with each other pretty well. Let's face it. We all understand each other. So how about we create our own little six room mansion somewhere out there, freshen up the Core land a little bit, I can give us all god powers, and we can live for all eternity happily with nobody to hurt us anymore. That's something we can all agree on, right? Good. No arguments, because I already just gave you the god powers. No takesies backsies!"

Everyone floated into the air and exploded in an array of divine light. When the light dimmed, they were all in extremely sexy swimsuits by a large pool in the backyard of a mansion.

By the way, if you were looking forward to this, they're all fourteen, you pervert. Except for Shinji-3, but he's some daemon thing.

Shinji-4 was about to argue, then he saw what his wife was wearing. The situation was suddenly much more acceptable to him.

Asuka-4, however, was concerned.

"Listen, uh, Shinji-2. As much as I appreciate the offer, can me and my baka just talk it over first? It's a big decision, and frankly, we want Aki to have a normal childhood with other kids her age."

Asuka-2 took the opportunity to chime in.

"Thank you, at least, for tiding it over. We've already mentally probed the others, and they seem pretty cool with the idea. Take your time, you've got an eternity! Just remember, only a Super-God can transverse the Multiverse, and the Multiversal Pantheon of Super-Gods might not come around for a long time. So while you're stuck here, you may as well stay with us!"

Shinji-3 piped in, wearing his swim trunks with a hole specifically for fornication.

"Also, I thought it over with the Earth-2 guys, we're gonna have _so_ many Slaanesh-powered orgies! Since I'm the only Chaos wielder in this universe, I am pretty much the Chaos God of Excess here!"

Asuka-4 recoiled slightly, then realized that honestly didn't sound so bad.

_'Hmmm, four bakas...'_

Shinji-4 popped up, speaking his mind.

"What, one of me ain't good enough anymore?", he said teasingly, a light-hearted jest.

"Oh yeah, we can read each other's thoughts.", stated nobody in particular.

Or was it everybody.

Doesn't really matter.

Asuka-4 spoke up again.

"Can you at least bring back Aki?"

Shinji-2's face turned to a flimsy smile, one that was very, _very_ nervous.

"_Well..._she's kinda already here. Look behind you."

And behind herself she did look. Lo and behold, two Maris. One of Earth-1, and one of Earth-4.

"Hey mama! Now that I can do anything just like other mama said, I grew myself up and got big ta-tas like you!"

Asuka-4 was about to pop a blood vessel, Shinji-4 having fainted.

Shinji-2 and Asuka-2 shrugged, looking to each other, instead of at the sight of Shinji-1, Asuka-1 and Shinji-3, uh, "educating" each other on new techniques.

"Well, I guess that answers the question of where Earth-4 Mari is."

A/N: Is this the end?

Probably not. But consider it the end of Season One.

Season Two shall come soon. But you know what? I'll take my time with it.

I hope you have enjoyed this first season of Reconciliation, and I hope you have realized what the title truly means, seeing the implications of **Slaanesh-powered orgies**.

The fucking end. For now.


	8. Book 2: Chapter 1-Mari4 Learns About Sex

A/N: Well, I'm back, and it's been four or five days since I finished Book One and published it on . I'll have the audiobook of Reconciliation Chapters 5 and 6 up soon, but right now, I shall start Book 2 of this fanfiction serial. In our last adventure, Asuka-2 banished the entire command staffs of both WILLE and NERV to the Void between worlds. Everyone is now living semi-permanently at a six-room mansion in a revitalized area of Japan and having constant Slaanesh-fueled orgies and pool parties. Aki-4 turns out to be Mari-4. Shinji-4 **was** occupied with getting home originally. Then he saw his wife in a bikini. Guess I fulfilled the Distracted by the Sexy trope. Asuka-4 is convinced to roll with things since there isn't really any way of getting back to Earth-4 anyways. Well, that's before she finds out Mari-4 sped up her ageing process to look like her Earth-1 counterpart, and that she has now discovered breasts.

This should be interesting.

**Book 2: The Search for More Reviews**

**Chapter 1: Mari-4 Learns About Sex**

After this revelation, Asuka-4 asked Mari-1 to look after Mari-4 for a few moments while she and the others had a, "discussion", about how to react to these revelations. Of course, distracting a girl who is mentally four years old while at a pool party is not very hard, and Mari-1 was happy to spend some quality time with what amounted to her little sister. Or twin sister. Or something. Multiversal mechanics are weird. Roll with it.

The four Shinjis teleported themselves away very, very quickly, fearing the collective wrath of their respective partners, Shinji-1's and Shinji-2's now their de-facto wives. And without even a bachelor party. What a shame.

The three Asukas, however, were not so easily fooled by this trick. You know, because they're fucking goddesses. Or something. They realized, however, that taking the manhood of their respective spouses might cause many, many unpleasant years for both parties, and therefore they too decided to retire to their own room to discuss the events that had occurred.

Shinji-4, now awake, was sweating profusely.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh fucking shit. Asuka is going to kill me. Not just me, but all of us. She's especially going to blame you, Shinji-3."

Shinji-3 smirked, and responded with acid dripping from his voice.

"Well, it's certainly all my fault, Mister 'let my four year old daughter who is essentially a goddess hang out around the fucking Chaos God of Excess'. This is no fault of you or your wife in raising Aki-4. Or should we call her Mari-4?"

Shinji-2, probably the most unstable of all the Shinjis, meekly offered his view on this situation.

"Well, we can't really do anything about this now. She's a goddess, and with the power I bestowed on her we really can't force anything. So maybe we should just tell her about sex and stuff. Let's be honest, at some point in the future, both Mari-1 and Mari-4-"

"Aki-4!"

"Okay...Aki-4 are probably going to want...companionship in the future. And since for obvious reasons none of us nor our wives will be offering this...companionship, is it really so unreasonable to suggest that maybe they might conjure up their own mates?"

Shinji-4 started sweating even more profusely, the entire room now filled with sweat up to their ankles.

"**ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?! MY WIFE IS A FUCKING GODDESS NOW, I'M PRETTY SURE THE ONLY REASON THEY AREN'T IN HERE IS SO THAT THEY AVOID TEARING OFF OUR BALLS!"**

Shinji-1, Shinji-2 and Shinji-3, the Three Stooges reborn, started howling.

"Bro, you are fucking whipped. As. Fuck."

"Am not!"

"Oh yes you are, baka. You all are."

The four Shinjis faces turned to looks of pure horror as they turned around, to see their three wives standing behind them, daggers being stared at the four.

"However, I'd hope you'd realize that tearing off your manhood would be even worse for me than it is for you, seeing that I'm not quite ready yet to engage in sexual encounters with my own doppelgangers. Hell, my Earth-2 counterpart get's a squick feeling whenever she sees either Mari."

Asuka-2 herself piped in.

"It was a very** long** fourteen years, Shinji. Very long indeed."

The four Shinjis had alternating looks of lust and disgust on their faces. Repeatedly. It was not pleasant, unless you're into that kind of thing. Honestly, if everyone is consenting, and you don't have any kids doing it...

Actually, no. We're veering out of that territory right now. This is a Very Special Episode about teaching mentally youthful goddesses about the birds and the bees. Not about the ethics and morality of incest. I'm not sure any ethics or morality even exist on any of these Earths, especially not Earth-3.

Back to the main events.

Asuka-4 butted back in, calling back the Shinji's attention.

"However, we think you are right in this situation. While it might be a bit earlier than we wanted to talk about this with her, I think we may as well get it over with before she tries anything really kinky with her goddess powers."

Asuka-1 chimed in, finally.

"Just one condition. As kinky as I am, and frankly, as all of us are, Shinji-3 is not going anywhere near Mari-4 for the duration of her Sexual Education. We don't need her becoming a sex daemonette, especially at the mental age of **four**."

Shinji-1 recoiled in horror.

"Dear god, she's four?! I didn't even get the talk until I was fucking six!"

The entire room nodded in agreement, Shinji-4 adding a final statement.

"We know, we all did. But we have no choice. We have a four year old goddess who has thrown herself into the most hormone riddled body imaginable. We're fucked."

He would not have the last word, however, as a purple Mobile Suit with a giant horn on it's head smashed through the side of the room, sending dust, concrete and asbestos sprawling everywhere. Not that it would effect any of them.

No, the last word, it seemed, would belong to Mari-1 this chapter.

"I'm sorry, I heard something about 'hormone riddled'?"

A/N: Shorter chapter, but that seems to be the main pattern with the beginning of each book. It expands as the story does. Read, review and keep on trooping, Reconciliation fans! And congratulations, if I haven't given you the urge to throw your computer against the wall yet. Because I will. Eventually.


	9. Book 2: Chapter 2-And Now

A/N: Let us continue!

**Chapter 2: And Now For Something Completely Different**

Before any Shinji or Asuka could ask Mari-1 why she had deemed it necessary to repaint the Gundam purple and add a horn to its head, Doors of Guf opened, and through them dropped Shinji-5 and Asuka-5.

"God. Fucking. Dammit. Mari-1, add an addition to the house. We've got another pair of lovebirds!", stated Asuka-2, irritated at this disruption.

Asuka-5, eye and arm wrapped in bandages over her plug suit, was lying flat on the floor, unresponsive to the world around her. Shinji-5 was saddled on top of her, crying.

Shinji-1, now at his most mature and serious point in his life, quickly ran over to the two, pulled Shinji-5 off of his Asuka, and hugged him.

"Shh, it's going to be okay. She's not dead, you didn't kill her. It's all going to be fine. Remember? In the sea? She loves you, man. We'll explain where you are later, but right now, just know that you and her are going to be alright. You can be happy here."

Shinji-5 started crying harder. Asuka-5 got up, slowly, and walked over to the two Shinjis. She pulled Shinji-5 away from Shinji-1, and slapped him.

"**You. **You took me away from my Mama again. You were going to kill me and I was going to be with my Mama again, forever! But no, you pussied out as usual! That's why I caressed you, you fucking dummkopf! Because you were giving me back to her!"

What the fuck. Where the fuck is this story even going? This is supposed to be a lighthearted post-3.33 fanfiction about educating Mari-4 about the wonders of sexual intercourse, and now we have a Shinji and Asuka who are absolutely humorless. Fuck, I've got to get this thing back on track.

"Okay kids, tantrum is over. Asuka-5, Shinji-5, welcome to Earth-2. I'm Shinji-2, and I'm the de-facto leader of our multiversal troupe of Shinjis and Asukas. We are gods. You are not. You will not be granted those powers until you can demonstrate proper mental stability and emotional maturity. Right now, you will go with your respective counterparts for some...therapy. Especially you, Asuka-5. Dear god, are we all so fucked up in every universe?"

More Doors of Guf, because fuck everything!

Kensuke-6 and Toji-6, wearing purple plug suits with green highlights, respectively labeled 01-A and 01-B, fall out of the Void Tunnel (That is what we shall call it now), drenched in LCL and sweat.

The Magnificent Duo, groaning as they get up from the floor, proceed to see five Shinjis and four Asukas staring back at them, incredulously.

"Fuck. MARI, POP IN ANOTHER TWO ROOMS!"

They fainted. I think that's the standard tactic when crossing the multiverse.

Shinji-4 groaned, index finger and thumb rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, better idea. Me, my wife, and the Earth-1 Shinji and Asuka will deal with our Earth-5 immigrants, seeing that we've been in a place similar to them. You guys deal with the Earth-6 crew."

Shinji-2 nodded, and snapped his fingers, whisking away him, his wife, Shinji-3 and the Earth-Sixers.

Time for a break?

* * *

A/N: Welcome to the intermission! Multiverse list!

Earth-1: Standard NGE timeline, except the MPSG gave this Shinji and Asuka a love shack in a valley by the river. Six months later, they are pretty fucking happy. Much later in this timeline, their child, Mari-1, is recruited by the MPSG to try and fix the past on Earth-2.

Earth-2: Created by the MPSG to try and give Shinji and Asuka a happy story from the beginning, this is the Rebuild timeline. Yeah, I think you know how that went. Due to the MPSG fucking up royally, Void Tunnels are pulling people out of each Earth sequentially as it is created. All the immigrants are currently living together in a mansion and having pool parties and Chaos fueled orgies.

Earth-3: Shinji's Nightmare Cataclysm timeline, and with the only survivor being Shinji-3, who was pulled to Earth-2 with the others, it is now uninhabited. This is a universe where the Ruinous Powers of Chaos, as seen in Warhammer 40k, exist in the NGE timeline. Chaos ensues. Heh heh.

Earth-4: The 2nd Try timeline, which has it's own time travel mechanics which were promptly ignored. Asuka-4, Shinji-4 and Mari-4 (Aki-chan) were pulled from this timeline.

Earth-5 **(TRUE CANON!)**: A reality exactly like the NGE timeline, as nothing has happened at all since the beach incident. Currently causing a massive genre shift. Whoops.

Earth-6: The pilots of Unit-01 in this reality are Kensuke and Toji in a Dual Entry System. Other differences are unknown, but the angels might simply be killed by usage of more dakka.

The Void: The space between worlds. Current residents: Earth-2 Gendo, Misato, Ritsuko, Bridge Bunnies and Sakura. Also home to the Multiversal Pantheon of Super-Gods.

Back to the story!

* * *

But first, Shinji-4 wondered aloud about something.

"Wait a moment. I thought you two were the prime reality?"

Shinji-1, with a confused look on his face, just said "I dunno."

And thus the Multiversal Pantheon of Super-Gods came down for expository purposes.

"Yeah, Earth-5 happened on one of the fouler echos of our fart. Where the fumes mixed with a cosmic skunk's spray. Imagine, churro gas mixed with cosmic sulfur. Anyways, they came out of things more damaged than you guys, and are the Canon universe as seen by the fans."

"The who?"

"Shut up baka, we have already established the Fourth Wall doesn't even exist in this story!", stated Asuka-1, matter of factly.

"Really? Great! Why the fuck are you saying baka, then? It's already established that we are speaking Japanese, and the readers are only reading a translation of our dialogue! So why the fuck is baka the only thing not translated! Please, enlighten me!"

"Oh, you really do want anger sex, don't you, _idiot_!"

"Maybe I do! It's kinkier!"

Shinji-5 snaps and starts wailing on them.

"**WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO WORK THROUGH MY AND ASUKA'S ISSUES, NOT SORT OUT YOUR FUCKED UP SEX LIFE! THERE IS KINKY, THERE ARE FETISHES, AND THEN THERE IS JUST PLAIN WRONG! YOU'RE BOTH FUCKING FOURTEEN!**"

Wait, fuck. Does this count as child porn?

Let us venture away from there.

Shinji-4 snaps his fingers. The three Asukas and Shinjis are laying by the pool, sun tanning, all three Asukas wearing the same white and red striped bikini.

Which is when they noticed Asuka-5's eye was completely grey. And she had a giant scar running down the length of her right arm.

"Oh, so that's whats different!"

Asuka-5 jolted up and looked at her arm.

"What's diff-"

Once she saw it, she became deathly silent, and the world around her seemed to turn grey itself. If the mood could have gotten any darker, it did.

"What does my eye look like."

No replies. Everyone was scared as to how she would react. Trying to figure out how to defuse the bomb.

"**WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY EYE!**"

Shinji-1 apparated a mirror in front of her. He immediately regretted that decision. As his Asuka would say, dummkopf.

She jumped into the pool, and dove straight to the bottom. She wasn't coming back up.

Shinji-5 dove in right after her.

_I don't care if I live or die right now. I'm not living without her. I won't let her be alone anymore._

_I won't let her fall apart._

She was kicking and screaming as he dragged her back up, his nose bleeding from an errant swing of her arm, curses flying. He didn't care.

He wouldn't let her fall apart.

Shinji-1 got a really, really hard slap in the face.

"Please, tell me why you had the fucking grand idea of putting two kids on the edge of suicide near a fucking pool."

"I take it we are not having anger sex today?"

The swift kick to the testicles he got gave him his answer. With a snap of his fingers, they were in Shinji-5 and Asuka-5's room, with only one futon, wearing their school uniforms.

Asuka-5 was bawling uncontrollably, incoherently rambling, her mind not exactly registering reality at the moment. Shinji, her Shinji, simply held her close to him and lied down with his back against the wall, her spread out on his chest. He caressed her hair, attempting to soothe her as best as he could.

Shinji-1 snapped his fingers. The least he could do was fix Shinji-5's broken nose.

He and his wife left the room. They figured the two needed time alone right now.

Once they were back in their room, Asuka-1 snapped her fingers. Shinji-1 felt the most odd sensation in his pelvis.

"Seeing that I know how easily you can...persuade me to have another bedroom adventure, your equipment is gone until tomorrow. You can still sleep in my bed, but don't even bother touching me. I meant it, no anger sex. Or any sex, for tonight."

"Bu-"

"Also, don't even try and put it back without me. Or I'll take away your ocular virginity."

"...I did not need that mental image. Okay, what if I need to take a piss?"

To that, Asuka Langley Soryu only smirked, flicked off the lights, and pulled her husband to the bed.

"Asuka?"

* * *

A/N: We are dipping into drama territory for a little while, figured we needed to push that Mari stuff back into the B plot area where it belongs.

Except now it might be a C plot. Mari-4 learns about sex is on the back burner for the next little while.


	10. Book 2: Chapter 3-Wait, the B Plot?

A/N: And now, on to the B Plot!

**Chapter 3: Wait, the B Plot?**

Shinji-2 and 3, as well as Asuka-2, were sitting in a boardroom across the table from Kensuke-6 and Toji-6, still wearing their plug suits. The room was filled with an awkward silence, neither party speaking for fear of what was going on with the others. The Earth-Sixers did see the, uh, incident with the Earth-5 immirants, after all.

Kensuke, of course, was the first one to attempt breaking the silence.

"Uh, well, I guess I better introduce ourselves. I mean, you probably do know who we are-"

Asuka-2 groaned, and muttered under her breath.

"Oh yes, we know who you are."

"Shut up, you bitch. If you hadn't played around with Shinji on our world, he wouldn't have started Instrumentality and we wouldn't have been the only two left!"

Well, that's interesting.

Shinji-3 started laughing hysterically.

"Holy fuck, I think I might cause the apocalypse on every fucking Earth ever! Started it on Earth-1, Earth-2, Earth-3, Earth-4, Earth-5 **AND** Earth-6! This is just fucking hilarious! I am the destroyer of worlds! Seriously, is there no reality in which I just live a normal life and get to have some awesome sex? I mean, the Ones are kinky sex maniacs, you Twos are gods who killed everyone else to shield yourselves, I, the only remaining Three, am a fucking Chaos God and killed everyone for the lulz, the Fours killed everyone, went back in time and saved everyone except now they've raised a four-year old sex maniac, the Fives are like a Freud in a can, and Shinji-6 was so broken up about some red-haired demon that he willingly caused the apocalypse and _didn't_ come back!"

Asuka-2, shocked, questioned this aloud.

"Wait, are you saying the survival of a timeline's mass population is dependent upon me and Shinji getting some before Third Impact? Dear god, how many more Void Tunnels are going to open until the next reality to pop up is a Shinji who's such a Kavorka man that he literally pulls me towards him with pheromones and we fuck like rabbits?"

Shinji-3 shuddered in pleasure.

Shinji-2, however, asked one question.

"Speaking of that, could you explain what's up with us?"

"Okay, schätzchen, we have literally not had any free time since this entire mess began. Trust me, it's been fourteen long years, and it turns out the only sexual and/or romantic companionship I've had has been my daughter from an alternate universe. Once we sort out these two guys from Earth-6, we are going back to our room and fucking for one week straight. No less. Hell, I will literally force the author to write that chapter in the most lemony fashion he possibly can. In fact, this is Asuka-2, talking to you readers right now. Next chapter will be entirely smut. Guaranteed, it'll be me slagging Shinji-2, and some others might join in. Except for Mari. Either Mari. That shit would just be fucking disgusting. Anyways, see you in smut land."

And with a snap, Shinji-2 and Asuka-2's clothes poofed off.

"Enjoy the present, Stooges!"

And with yet another, they were gone, leaving three visibly aroused 14 year olds.

Shinji-3 quickly took charge.

"So, do you little fuckers want to rustle up some sluts or what?"

It was a very fun evening for the Three Stooges, reunited at last.

* * *

Mari-1 and Mari-4, however, were with the latter's mother and father, who were dreading the upcoming task.

_Dear god, I have to teach my four-year old girl about sex. And once I'm done, she's probably going to actually have it._

Asuka-4, however, had a distinctly different thought pattern.

_How the hell did Shinji-1 get the blame for my baka putting suicidal kids by the pool? Poor bastard must be getting it from me!_

* * *

Oh, yes he was. Do you know how long a sex-crazed Asuka can hold out for? Four minutes and fifty-four seconds.

It was a new record!

After his manhood was restored, Shinji-1 quickly jumped his wife, their clothes gone with a snap. Now, imagine what wonders can be accomplished by two 14 year old hormonal whirlwinds, who are also bondage fetishists, literal gods, and were trained in the arts of excess and pleasure by a Daemon Prince of Slaanesh turned Chaos God.

Let's just say they became of one mind and body so fast that the majority of the intercourse was truly just mental interaction as a puddle of LCL.

After the fun was finished, they reconstituted their physical forms from the LCL.

"Damn, we never did thank the MPSG enough for teaching us that trick, eh?"

"I think I have you to thank more, baka. Anyone can teach, it takes certain skill to put learned ideas to practise!"

"Well darling, we will certainly have plenty more where that came from. You know, I think you hit a record this time with how long you held out from sexual intercourse!"

"What was it, five minutes?"

"If it was any longer, I'd be concerned you were simply getting _bored_ with me, 'Ska!"

"Oh, I don't think we can ever get bored of each other, Third."

Shinji-1 and Asuka-1, now laughing, were cuddling each other on their futon. While not the closest their souls could be, Shinji-1 always thought that the physical intimacy in itself was something special, whether or not the mental intimacy was literal.

He did have one burning question, however.

"You **knew** that Shinji-4 put them by the pool, didn't you!"

Asuka chuckled.

"Well, I did need some excuse to punish you. You can't top all the time, you know!"

"What about the fact that I popped up the mirror in front of her?"

"Oh yeah, that really was stupid of you."

"Well, how about I make up for it?"

Thus, Shinji-1's head dove below the sheets, and the moans of pleasure began to build and build anew.

* * *

But wait, you ask? What about Shinji-5 and Asuka-5? Well, not much more happened with them. Once the tears ran dry, and Shinji knew Asuka could hear him, he told her just four short, sweet words.

"I'm here for you."

And that night, as the two drifted off to sleep together, Asuka smiled, for the first time in a long time.

* * *

A/N: Shorter chapter, but still a fair bit of ground covered. And a fairly sweet ending. Did you feel the WAFF? Because if you didn't, I shall cram it up your arse, kind sirs! Please read, review, rinse and repeat!


	11. Book 2: Chapter 4-Repeat

**Chapter 4: Repeat**

So why didn't she wake up with him?

Because he and her had been asleep the entire time. In the Sea of LCL. An ocean they had never truly left. There was no multiverse, no Multiversal Pantheon of Super-Gods. No Mari, no Slaanesh, none of the others were real. It had all been yet another dream in Instrumentality.

_Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me._

_Tell me about it, honey. Turns out we've never even held hands, nevermind have sex._

_Wait, Shinji? How are we talking like this? Shouldn't the others be with us as well?_

That question was not answered by that particular Ikari.

_Your souls are interacting together in the Sea. Your experiences, your fantasies, have created an inviolable tether. While the physical acts were not truly accomplished, what you truly **felt** was real. Never think otherwise. You were wrong, my love. There is rejection in the Sea. It was the critical error in SEELE's judgement. While our physical bodies have merged into a singular body of LCL, our souls are still separated, able to reject each other. It will remain this way forever._

Shinji was too shocked to respond. While he did not truly see anything, in the traditional sense, a new presense was felt amongst him and his beloved.

Mother.

Rei.

They're here.

Asuka did not respond so kindly, however.

_You. Fucking. Bitch._

A dream-scape formed around them. A physical realm in which their imagined forms manifested. Simply from the will of a girl who had lived infinite lives, time and time again, with only one constant.

Her lover was always there. For her.

It's time she was there for him.

_You started this all! You abandoned Shinji, just so you could fulfill some deranged god complex and float as an eldritch monstrosity amongst the stars forever! You drove your husband to absolute despondency, just because **you** wanted to play god! Fuck you! We're done with you!_

_**You will not hurt him anymore!**_

* * *

And thus, a blur. The wind, the breeze, brushing against their naked skin as they lay on the sand.

Shinji looks to his left, and sees but one thing.

Her.

But it's different this time. He doesn't throttle her. Instead, he slides over, slowly, and warmly embraces her.

And now, they smile for real.

Because now, it feels real.

It was real.

They were free.

* * *

_Oh shit, we're fucked._

_Indeed we are, Ikari-san._

_Lilith, I don't think you understand how fucked we truly are. We needed them for the temporal displacement to fix this clusterfuck I started!_

_Well, we could simply reconstitute ourselves and, you know, talk to them._

_...Lilith, did you just use snark?_

_Yes. I'm not a doll, Yui._

_No, you're a timeless Seed of Life who was inhabiting a partial clone body of me but made with Particle-Wave Matter._

_Your point, Yui?_

_You're very, very far from human. Way too far for snark._

_The Lilin are my children. Is it really that surprising that they would take after their mother?_

_Lilith, this is the fandom's specific definition of Out of Character._

_What fandom?_

_Oh right, that Fourth Wall annihilation shit only occurred in the fantasy worlds._

_What?_

_Nevermind, Lilith. Anyways, I don't think we really do have any other choice. Let's give them a bit of time before we go talk to them. Not too long, though. While we may have eternity, they have but a fleeting 70-80 years at best. And best is a very, very long shot._

_Give it about three weeks?_

_I'd say a month._

_Alright, Yui. Let's see how this goes._

_Hey guys, can I tag along too?!_

_Shut up, Kyoko, you're even more fucking insane than I am. And that means a lot, seeing that I **intentionally** merged with Unit-01._

_Yuinit-01._

_What, Lilith?_

_It's name is Yuinit-01, because that is an awesome pun and is now one of the conditions for your soul's continued existence._

_...Fuck you._

_I learned from the best._

* * *

Shinji decided for the both of them that they were going to talk over everything, right about now.

Asuka was not happy with this decision, to say the least.

"Shinji, we are _not_ talking about it. Not right now."

"Don't give me that shit, whenever we try to ignore crazy shit happening and suppress our negative emotions, Impacts happen. Do you want another impact, Asuka? I don't, so we're fucking talking about what happened."

"Okay, let's go over the part where you jacked off to my comatose body."

"Didn't you say you were fine with that in the Sea?"

"...I **am** kinky. Hell, were we literally every single incarnation of ourselves at once?"

"Hell if I know. Wouldn't that mean when there was five Shinjis, I was each Shinji at the same time?"

"Five bakas. No wonder the world was doomed."

"Four german demons probably don't help the matter."

"Listen, this has been some nice, witty banter, but I have a feeling we have been in there for a while. So how about we go try and find us a deus ex machina. Because I don't think any Seed Entities are gonna be giving us a love shack this time round!"

"Let's be honest, Asuka. We're fucked. Completely, totally, fucked. The entire Earth is ravaged, all the animals might actually be in the Sea too, and the farmlands are dead. The water is filled with people. **People.** I don't think you can even filter out LCL. Is LCL even regular matter? Didn't you get your degree in Metaphysics?"

"I don't know. Apparently I'm also a European Air Force Captain, your Slaanesh-aligned fuck slave, the mother of your children, and the perfect example of a nutcase with a tight grip on the nearest guy's dick to get comfort!"

"Okay, obviously we have some new life experiences to sort out. Isn't the important thing that we at least have each other?"

"We don't have any condoms, dummkopf."

Shinji immediately ran back into the Sea, ankle-deep.

"We're sorry! Take us back! We're completely fucked out here, and not in the good way! And there's a giant Rei head rotting in the distance, and it's really fucking creepy! Come on, mom! You could start making up for all that shit now! That would be really helpful!"

To both their surprise, they heard a 'plop!' sound. And another. As two nearly identical, if not for the palate swap, women come out of the Sea.

"Okay, you're ready to talk, love! Good! We thought it would take a month!"

"Ikari, plain and simple, we fucked up. We're gonna send you and Soryu back to 2001 to stop the Contact Experiment with Unit-01."

Asuka punched Rei in the face. Well, punched a hole through Rei's face. It reformed.

"Luckily for me, Soryu, I can manipulate my form at will."

"Shut up, you little bitch. Leave him alone. All you two have ever done to him is hurt him. Again and again. No more. Leave. We don't need yo-"

A slap. Not from Rei or Yui, but from Shinji.

"For fuck sake Asuka, while I appreciate the sentiment, shut up. You're not helping the situation, especially seeing that we have a chance to fix everything."

"We can't fix it, idiot! Didn't you ever read Peggy Sue fanfics? It doesn't fucking work! It's constantly reliant upon Deus Ex Machina after Deus Ex Machina!"

"You're kind of forgetting the fact that we pilot Deus Ex Machinas. Not exactly for a living-"

"Actually, we got a 2 Million Yen monthly stipend."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, Misato took yours to buy Yabisu."

"Fucking bitch. But seriously, they violate the Square Cube Law to such a ridiculous degree. They literally stand due to being badassery on a gigantic scale, and through no other force but badassery do they not sink into the ground."

Yui interrupted.

"Anyways, we're sending you back. Second Impact is a necessary evil to control Adam in his embryonic state. If you prevent the Contact Experiment, I'll probably be able to MacGyver some new system up. After that, well, you'll be stuck there, but you'll probably have a future. Or something. Just remember. Stop me from going into Uni-"

"Yuinit-01."

"Ugh. Fine. _Yuinit_-01. Okay, have a nice trip!"

"What the hell doe-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHAAAHHHHOO LYFUCK!"

"Lilith, I'm pretty sure the process isn't usually that painful."

"True, but Soryu is a fucking bitch who should burn."

"...Fair point."

* * *

A/N: Yep. I just "It's all a dream"ed the entire story up to this point. You're welcome.


	12. Book 2: Chapter 5-Asueka

A/N: You are going to hate me so much for this pun.

**Chapter 5: Asueka**

Incidentally, however, the target destination was still a ways off.

Shinji Ikari, former Pilot of Unit-01, rejector of Instrumentality and Godhood, destructor and savior of humanity, was pissing himself.

Which created an especially amusing effect inside the time vortex. Shinji's piss was now literally spread amongst the entire Spacetime Continuum.

Not that he noticed, mainly due to the constant volts of static electricity shocking his naked body in any and every place possible.

Asuka was simply yelling germanic curse after germanic curse.

* * *

Yui slapped Lilith repeatedly.

_Idiot! You just had to get some vengeance out on Kyoko's girl, didn't you! Now the entire plan is bust!_

_Yui, I am a literal goddess. I can simply drop them wherever and whenever they are when I stop the time stream._

_Wait, you wanted this to happen?_

_Yui, I just told you. I'm a goddess. I could go back myself and fix everything immediately. The point of the matter is, I sent them back like this because this is going to be very entertaining, and even if they fail, I can always pull them out and send them back in again. After wiping their memories, of course._

_Wait, you can do that?_

_Yup._

_Have you done it before?_

_...No._

_...Lilith, just drop them some time before Third Impact in Tokyo-3. Got any popcorn? This should be interesting._

* * *

In an alley, between apartments, in a faraway land known only as Tokyo-3, a great crackle of purely psychotic energy swirled open, an aperture into the Time Vortex. Out fell two fourteen year olds, naked, and covered in a male teenager's piss.

"Hey, Shinji?"

"Yeah, love?"

"Once we sort this out, can we not invite your family over? Like, ever?"

"I don't think that will be a problem. Wait, who's that walking over there? She looks fami...oh fuck."

"Shinji? What is it? I can't see, my eyes are covered in your fucking piss."

"Asuka...it's _you_."

Thus, the screaming started.

And when a certain German girl in the distance turned around to see what the hell that screaming was all about, the vibrations in the air doubled.

Fuck.

* * *

_Hey, Lilith?_

_Yeah, Yui?_

_Do ya think you might have overshot that Temporal Drop? By just a teeny bit?_

_Nonsense, Yui, the Pilots are right on target! Now the **fun** begins!_

_I'm ashamed to have had my genetic material donated as a vessel for your soul._

_Likewise, Doctor Ikari. Likewise._

* * *

After both Soryus had managed to pass out from sheer exhaustion, simply from screaming, he realized that Section 2 had most likely been watching.

Well, no, he knew they had been watching. He saw Carl in the bushes over there!

"Hey Carl!"

"Hey Shinji, how's it hanging?"

"Flaccid."

"So, what's with the naked Soryu? More importantly, what's with there being a second Soryu?"

"Evangelions are weird business."

"Figured as much."

"Hey, can you help me take them back to the apartment?"

"Sure thing, Mr. Ikari."

And thus, the slightly younger Asuka carried by Carl the Section Two agent, and the slightly older Asuka carried by Shinji Ikari, time-tunneler, were brought up the elevator shaft to the apartment of Major Misato Katsuragi.

Asuka-A, or the older Asuka, woke up groggily.

"Baka...why is there two of me?"

"Because somebody fucked something up. Relax, we're going to solve this shit one step at a time. We're back home."

Carl coughed, and motioned his eyeballs towards Asuka-B. The Asuka-B who was now waking up.

This is not good. At all.

* * *

_Doctor Ikari, what are the odds that your son and his life mate are going to walk in there, and Katsuragi will be so plastered that she won't even realize there are two Soryus, let alone the fact that her charges are naked?_

_Anyone who would bet against it would be fucking retarded. Especially someone who actually watched this show._

_Yui, we've been over this. We aren't allowed to break the fourth wall._

_We're metaphysical gods. We can do whatever the fuck we want._

_Fair point. Let's sober Katsuragi up. Wipe Carl's brain. In fact, let's bring Carl here! Get some sweet man-candy!_

_Rei, I'd appreciate it if you stop trying to foist suitors upon my wife._

_Gendo, dear, go back to your cage before I cut your testicles off again._

_...Yes dear._

* * *

Misato, now awake, hears noises at the door. Curious as to why she hears something akin to Asuka groaning at the door, she is concerned her German charge has decided to get plastered again. Not surprising, seeing the last Angel battle.

_Why the fuck did we design cyborgs that can only be piloted by children? This seems like a pretty big design flaw. Mental note: Bitch to Ritsuko about it. That usually does the trick._

After checking to make sure Shinji was asleep in his room, Misato went and opened the door.

Only to find Shinji standing there with two Asukas.

"Okay, thanks Carl."

"No proble-"

"HEY! LET GO OF ME, PERVERT!"

"As you wish."

Bitch!Asuka, or Asuka-B, or Asuka-New, fuck it, this shit is ridiculous.

Anyway, the other Asuka, Asuka-B, promptly fell to the floor. On her ass. Her well-toned, german ass.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, YOU IDIOT?!"

Carl, with only a smirk, replied the only way you can to an Asuka. Snark!

"You said let go."

Young Asuka was about to let loose her trademark torrent of European Fury, but was quickly interrupted by one Shinji Ikari.

"Asuka, just shut the fuck up. We don't want to hear about your shit right now."

Asuka and Misato were floored. Carl was also on the floor, but hysterically laughing. A younger Shinji walked out of his room, groggily rubbing his eyes.

"What the fuck is-"

His eyes immediately shot open, the crust on them from sleep immediately tearing loose.

"You're me, aren't you."

"Yup."

"Well, congratulations on carrying Asuka and not having your testicles crushed into a fine powder and mixed in with your bento box."

Carl started running.

_I really like the kid, but this is getting too fucked up for even me. I think I'm gonna tender that resignation._

Misato fainted into unconsciousness.

The older Asuka got on her own two feet, and turned to face their two younger counterparts.

"Okay, I think we're all very confused about what the fuck is going on here. So, how about me and my lover here sit down with you two, and we sort this shit out."

Young Asuka starts choking, her eyes bulging, her mind going into shock. Wheezing, having a panic attack, she manages to push out a few choice words.

"What...the fuck...do you mean...by 'lover'?"

Asuka showed her younger counterpart exactly what she meant. _Exactly_.

After the minute-long definition of what that meant, with plenty of groping, french-kissing, and grinding to spare, Young Asuka was dry heaving.

Young Shinji simply walked up to his older counterpart and gave him a bro fist.

"I see things work out well for us in the future!"

"Uh, not exactly. Let's talk about that."

* * *

_Uh, Lilith?_

_Yes, Yui?_

_Are you sure this is going to go according to plan?_

_Oh, relax yourself Doctor Ikari. The last time an Ikari grew this concerned with a scenario they had envisioned, the entire world turned to Tang._

_...Continue on._

* * *

Sitting down at the dinner table, the two Shinjis took to fixing up something to eat. While it was three in the morning, they were all famished from this experience.

Misato eventually woke up, and pulled herself over to the table.

"We'll explain in a moment, Misato."

"I'm fucking hammered, aren't I?"

"Actually, no, you're sober. Extremely sober. Which is odd, I was under the impression your liver and kidneys actually produced ethanol at a regular pace!"

"Very funny, Asuka."

"Breakfast is ready!", echoed two Shinjis in perfect unison.

Waffles for everyone!

"Shinji, how the fuck did you two make waffles for us? We don't have a waffle maker."

Both replied in unison again.

"Magic cooking abilities."

Misato opened her mouth to speak, exasperated.

"Okay, we're going to settle this right now. Shinji and Asuka who just arrived are Shinji-A and Asuka-A. Shinji and Asuka living with me are Shinji-B and Asuka-B. Alright?"

"We can live with that."

"So, Shinji-A, how exactly did you brainwash other me into becoming your fuck buddy?"

Misato quickly ran over to the fridge and grabbed an armfuls of Yabisus.

Shinji-A slapped her in the face, causing them to fall to the floor.

"Nope, you don't get to drink yourself out of this one, bitch. You're going to fucking deal with our problems for once, and maybe stop manipulating us to pilot giant eldritch monstrosities that run on mental trauma and isolation! Fine, have your fucking vendetta against the angels. But you don't get to involve them in your war anymore. You, and Ritsuko, and Fuyutsuki, and _Gendo..." _Shinji spoke with extreme vitriol, "Don't get to hurt them anymore. We will pilot for them. They get to have some semblance of a normal childhood. They will get their chance at happiness, because you took that away from us."

Misato, in tears, only managed to get out a few words.

"Shinji, plea-"

Another slap.

"You fucking **dare? YOU FUCKING DARE TO PLEAD FOR MY MERCY?! YOU DESERVE NOTHING BUT TO BURN IN THE SEA OF LCL FOR ALL ETERNITY FOR WHAT YOU AND NERV DID TO US! THROUGHOUT ALL THE REALITIES, ALL THE DREAMSCAPES, ALL THE MULTIVERSE, TIME AND TIME AGAIN, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT HURT US! YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME FOR NOT KILLING YOU WHERE YOU STAND!**"

Everyone quite easily noticed the fact that Shinji-A was glowing with a fiery aura of octagons.

And red eyes. Can't forget the red eyes.

"Oh shit, I thought this only happens in that Instrumentality dreamscape."

A holographic image of Yui and Lilith popped up in the already cramped area.

_Shinji, great job at being a badass._

_Looks like the stainless steel implant in your spine is doing wonders!_

_We figured angelic abilities would make this much more exciting!_

"Wait, what?"

_Yes, it was all Dr. Ikari's idea! 'Let's give Shinji angelic powers! Imagine a batshit insane kid who can violate the Square Cube Law due to sheer emotion!'_

_Well, I didn't exactly say it like that, Lilith._

_Hey guys, can I talk too?_

_Go away, Kyoko. Your daughter-er, daughters, are already fucked up enough._

_Fuck off, Yui, you didn't do any better with Shinji._

_At least I didn't hang myself and the doll I thought was my daughter!_

_Bitch!_

_Slut!_

_Skank!_

_Whore!_

_Don't be ridiculous, my husband was the whore! Or my doctor in the psychiatric ward. Either way, how are you doing, honey?_

Asuka-B was in a ridiculous amount of shock, way too much to actually perceive what the hell her mother was actually saying.

The important thing is that **Mama** was back!

"Mama! You're back!"

_Hi honey! Sorry I went insane for a little while, the part of my soul that recognized you got swallowed up into Unit-02. They shoved the rest in later. Unit-01-_

_Yuinit-01._

_Rather pretentious, Yui._

_Lilith's idea, and the one condition of my continued existence._

_As well, Kyoko, Unit-02 will now be the ZEPPELIN!_

_Fuck. Anyways, Yuinit-01 got the whole package. We're gonna go talk to Yuinit-01 and the Zeppelin soon and yell at them for being fucking tools. Really, Shinji, would you ever imagine your very own mother is the entire reason that the world is so fucked up?_

Shinji-B pondered this for a moment, and then continued.

"No, but seeing that Yuinit-01 can regenerate eyeballs from a face vagina, it really is not all that surprising."

_Anyways, Asuka-B, me and Yui and Lilith are gonna leave now. Just remember, stop pushing everyone away that you care about just because you think they might hurt you. I'm sorry if what happened to me has caused you to become what you are now. I just want you to be happy._

_Also, son, don't fuck around with the angelic abilities too much. You're still going to need an S² Organ to not get tuckered out using them._

Shinji-A was on the ground, wheezing in exhausing, his head lying on Asuka-A's lap. Not bad, not bad at all.

"Uh, does that mean I need to eat another angel again?"

"What the fuck? I did that?"

"Okay, good! We have successfully determined we got here before Zeruel! What's the last angel you guys killed?"

"Uh, the Fifteenth Angel?"

"...You were unconscious when your Eva went berserk, weren't you."

"Yeah."

"Okay, Shinji-B, can I offer you something, as a gift from Shinji to Shinji?"

"Uh, oka-"

GIGA DRILL BREAK!

"You really should have consoled her! Especially after having her mind torn to fucking shreds! I can't really punch _mysel_-oh wait, now I can!"

"Shinji, honey, as much as you deserved it, you also had some issues people should have helped you with. Including me!"

Asuka-A proceeded to slap Asuka-B.

"Wait a moment, shouldn't you be comatose and suicidal?"

"What the fuck did you mean by suicidal?"

"Didn't they find me in a bath filled with red water, Shinji?"

"Yeah, that was just rust."

"But, the scar on my arm..."

"From the spear that, you know, split it in two? Remember? When the Mass Production Evangelions fucked you up?"

"Oh yeah. Well, I think we might have shell-shocked the kids."

Both Shinji-B and Asuka-B were on the ground, shuddering. Misato-B was still crying, and had kicked away all the beer during the discussion with Kyoko, Lilith and Yui.

"Okay kids, as the only two functional people here, we're taking charge. Misato, you go back to your room. Shinji, Asuka, you both are staying in Asuka's room and fucking talking this shit out like adults. You are going to both talk about your feelings for each other and learn to accept them and explore them, and maybe find some happiness in each other."

Asuka grips Shinji's hand tightly, but he doesn't protest. He responds in kind, and he never wants to let go.

"I know we did."

And thus, Asuka and Shinji bull-rushed their younger counterparts into Asuka's room.

"I'm not staying with him! All he does is hurt me!"

"I just want to help you! Besides, don't you guys want this room? Mine's smaller."

Asuka-A simply smirks.

"I prefer the term...cozier."

Shinji-A simply gulps.

Asuka-B simply gags.

Shinji-B simply grins.

"Anyways, goodnight. You two kids have fun! Me and this guy are going to pop over to Misato's room and get some condoms. This is going to be _intense_."

"Wait, couldn't I use an AT Field for that?"

"Takes concentration. Also, we should probably test that before using it."

"Fair enough."

The door is slammed.

Why is there a power drill?

"What the fuck are you guys doing?"

"Installing a bolt lock and using my drill that shall break through the vault of heaven to drill it in."

"Where the fuck did we get a bolt lock anyways, honey?"

"Turns out one of my angelic abilities is hammerspace."

"How does that even work?"

"How do Evangelions stand under their own weight?"

"Fair enough. To the condoms!"

Back to the dry heaving for Asuka-B, and even Shinji-B was looking squeamish. Wait, did I just say 'even' about Shinji-B? Dear god, I need to railroad this back into In Character land.

Asuka-B starts crying hysterically, and Shinji-B, having been Giga Drill Breakered into common sense by Shinji-A, went over to her and tried to pull her into his arms, in the smartest move he has ever made in all of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

She shoves him away.

"NO! You're just going to hurt me! Everyone does! Everyone! I hate you! I hate Misato, and the Stooges, and that fucking doll, and Akagi, and Maya, and Hikari! **I HATE EVERYONE!**"

At that, she finally breaks down, literally wallowing in a puddle of her own tears, her tear ducts now empty.

"I hate myself. I hate myself because I never could simply tell you how I felt about you. Because I know you're just going to hurt me again. Everyone does. I hate myself for being such a bitch just so that I can push everyone away. I pushed you away because I never thought you could really love me. I mean, you care for wondergirl so much, and she's a doll, and dolls take away the love and affection from those you c-care about-"

The tears started bursting anew. Shinji-B pulled her up, and cupped his hand on her cheek, turning her head to look towards him.

"Asuka, I am not like your mother. I will never, ever, hurt you. If I did, I'd probably end up killing myself, because I would never forgive myself for causing you that sort of pain. I love you, and I won't run away anymore. I won't let you fall apart."

At that, she smothers him with her lips, an electric sensation dancing on their palates, only slightly tempered by the salty taste of the tears that had, and still were, flowing.

He solved the Hedgehog's Dilemma.

* * *

A/N: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the **LONGEST CHAPTER YET!** Breaking over three thousand words! It had been in the working for about three days. So, let us talk about my current plans for this fanfiction.

1. Book 2 is now complete.

2. Books 1 and 2 will be collected as one chapter each.

3. They will be posted in a new fanfiction called Rebuild of Reconciliation

4. The component chapters will be edited and expanded.

5. Each Book will now be called Book 1.11 and Book 2.22, because naming conventions!

6. After the extensive process of de-shittifying this story, and only then, shall I start writing Book 3.0, and subvert the Peggy Sue trope using another trope. As I did before hand by subverting the After The End trope with an It's All a Dream Trope, which was curiously enough complimented by another instance of the After The End trope, which were both subverted due to it being a hive mind dream where everyone truly is talking to each other, and not just the imagination of the dreamer, and due to a Peggy Sue trope instance being placed into effect.

That may have confused you. Please Read, Review and Follow. Rebuild of Reconciliation will be up soon!

Also, if you managed to get this far into this fanfiction, congratulations!


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